Barbra Schroeder

I twisted in knots inside myself,
And swung back and forth about you.
This is me, everything is, this is life.
We both know what we are responsible for.
I will hold myself accountable for me and,
You hold yourself accountable for you.
We crutched each other, and splintered our hearts
But it’s ok, really it’s ok.
This is how it was supposed to happen,
This was the breaking point that had to be.
We so desperately needed it,
For different reasons, and both the same.
We were turned inside out yes,
But that’s where the beauty lies.
The dark colors about us
Are part of some bigger thing.
We are magnified in its intensity
But look at it from above
You will see it makes sense.
You will see the looming experiences,
Without the darkness there is no contrast.
The landscape of our lives would be so bleak
We should be blessed to have seen ourselves without skin.
A painful thought, a painful love
But that’s the price we pay,
For being alive and sharing ourselves.

I often find myself searching for guidance by the act of randomly choosing a page from a cherished book.  It sounds ridiculous, I know, but for me it is comforting.  And, it just so happens that the pages I tend to choose are quite relevant, and quite significant.  See, the way I figure, for whatever reason, out of all the pages I could choose, this is the one I chose, this is the page the book wants me to read, this is no coincidence, not to me.

Recently, while experiencing a particularly dark, and very weak moment in which all sanity evaded me, I turned to Letters to a Young Poet for some guidance.  My state of being, and current sense of reality was thrashing around a very intense, and very important relationship.  My personal existence, and ability to define things that were of up most importance to me were at stake.  I was lost, and my self-control, and awareness both forfeited by my own apathy for true meaning.  In other words, I was in deep shit.  I needed help, and what better way to find your way then randomly choosing a page from a book to tell you what to do?  It sounds logical to me.

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