Barbra Schroeder

Like a candle faintly burning on the sill of a hallow house in the darkness of winter, your violent, but less frequent bursts of passion slowly begin to fade into the dim cavern of your vacant soul; the sharp emptiness smothers your light, and the blackness begins to boil.

And while slipping away from this life louder than most come, you encompass a vague tradition.  With a desperate heart you flounder in life’s beauty, and you disrespect her art.  You simplify her imperfection, and depreciate the negatives to those intricacies you invariably kneel to. The shrapnel that flies recklessly from your lips lodge themselves too deep for your alter ego to recover, or repair.

You’ve lost, in your loneliness, in the frightening emptiness of the mirror; you’ve lost in your head the freedom to forgive, and the memory of acceptance.  She knows the still waters you seek in your guilt soaked solitude, she knows the calming shores you long to tread, so she welcomes you into the presence of beauty, and you shudder at the subtle brilliance of her might. 

You don’t know how you feel.
You believe what you say, but it’s not real.
It is sad, the idealistic daydream we believed would come.
A slightly closer look, a little more information.
Help me understand.
I need to understand.
My tools are here, but don’t be afraid.
The pain will only make you stronger.
It will only help you see.
Don’t be scared; just listen to me.
I don’t understand.
Can you hear me? Are you listening?
What more can I do?
Look at what you do to yourself.
You will never change.
You never change.
Your life will be empty.
It is empty now.
What do you do? You do nothing.
You are nothing.
This is how you must do it.
This is what makes sense.
You make no sense.
You have no logic, what do you think about?
Are you listening to me?
You are always with that blank stare.
I don’t respect you.
Why don’t you stand up for yourself?
How is this ok? Why do you put up with this?
How is this ok?
You don’t ask questions, you don’t care.
Don’t you see how much I care?
Don’t you see how much I try?
Don’t you see that this is what love really is?
This is love.

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