My Search for Solutions
I often find myself searching for guidance by the act of randomly choosing a page from a cherished book. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but for me it is comforting. And, it just so happens that the pages I tend to choose are quite relevant, and quite significant. See, the way I figure, for whatever reason, out of all the pages I could choose, this is the one I chose, this is the page the book wants me to read, this is no coincidence, not to me.
Recently, while experiencing a particularly dark, and very weak moment in which all sanity evaded me, I turned to Letters to a Young Poet for some guidance. My state of being, and current sense of reality was thrashing around a very intense, and very important relationship. My personal existence, and ability to define things that were of up most importance to me were at stake. I was lost, and my self-control, and awareness both forfeited by my own apathy for true meaning. In other words, I was in deep shit. I needed help, and what better way to find your way then randomly choosing a page from a book to tell you what to do? It sounds logical to me.
I picked up the book, and slid my hand across its smooth, semi-shinny cover. My left thumb massaged the pages until it felt just right, and I slid open the book to discover it was page 63, and it read:
“To love is also good, for love is difficult. For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult task of all, the epitome, the ultimate test. It is that striving for which all other striving is merely preparation. For that reason young people – who are beginners in everything – cannot yet love; they do not know how to love. They must learn it. With their whole being, with all strengths enveloping their lonely, disquieted heart, they must learn to love—even while their heartbeat is quickening. However, the process of learning always involves time set aside for solitude. Thus to love constantly and far into a lifespan is indeed aloneness, heightened and deepened aloneness for one who loves.” Rainer Maria Rilke.
These words were incredibly sound, and resonated well in my heart, and in my mind. I realized that I was not ready for this grand thing they call love. I am too selfish, and not disciplined enough, I need more time. I want to be present in greatness, not observe it. I wish that everyone could read these words, and if they have been capable of expressing such discipline and knowing such love, then let them be appreciated, and celebrated for their hard work. And, if they have not known the true strength it takes to love, then let them be inspired to find the strength, and endurance to understand what’s real, and revere love for all its beauty, and imperfections.
