Barbra Schroeder

There is no end and no beginning.  Everyone and everything are the same.  I often wonder about the many people that do in fact experience the same moments, but in slightly different ways, and only because personal experience shapes our existence, and momentary perception are we bound to experience things differently, but it is curious, because I am certain that many people share the exact same things, over and over and over again, and yet, it’s as if it’s really you experiencing  those moments, in different dimensions all at the same time or something… Since there may be an infinite number of possibilities,  then maybe everything that is happening happens to one person, who is every person at the same time, but the slight difference (like the butterfly effect) make things seemingly different when in reality, they are all the same, always.

Postsecret.com

Like a candle faintly burning on the sill of a hallow house in the darkness of winter, your violent, but less frequent bursts of passion slowly begin to fade into the dim cavern of your vacant soul; the sharp emptiness smothers your light, and the blackness begins to boil.

And while slipping away from this life louder than most come, you encompass a vague tradition.  With a desperate heart you flounder in life’s beauty, and you disrespect her art.  You simplify her imperfection, and depreciate the negatives to those intricacies you invariably kneel to. The shrapnel that flies recklessly from your lips lodge themselves too deep for your alter ego to recover, or repair.

You’ve lost, in your loneliness, in the frightening emptiness of the mirror; you’ve lost in your head the freedom to forgive, and the memory of acceptance.  She knows the still waters you seek in your guilt soaked solitude, she knows the calming shores you long to tread, so she welcomes you into the presence of beauty, and you shudder at the subtle brilliance of her might. 

You keep telling me I’m beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars

I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I’m so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim

I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enuf
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint ain’t no way to live

So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I’m so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim

You keep telling me I’m beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars
 

Noun: a photograph or picture developed or executed in black and white or in varying tones of only one color.
Adjective: lacking variety and interest; insipid.

When you want to run, to hide
And conceal yourself inside, a crowd
So the world bounds you
Remember what it really takes
To encompass such solitude
The acute awareness of yourself
And the comfort of your being
When you want to dive into someone else
To be what they are, free
Just think of the props you can give to yourself
If you can just stay here, steady
Think of the worlds you’ve foreseen
Without someone else’s daydream
Think of a time when you are alone
When you permit your heart to sing
Embrace the moments you spend unaided
And think hard about what they mean
Think twice, and you will see
To be inside that head of yours
It’s not so bad to be
Remember what to do
Take responsibility for you
Admit your mistakes, and
Like a kaleidoscope, remember 
Just one little twist is all that it takes
Embrace the amplitude, by
Which the world excepts its fate,
Find respect for its decision
And gracefully modulate.

what’s with that halo hovering
above that thick skull
spare me
if i do say so - i think you’re covering
‘course there was nothing
could’ve prepared me

for the side effect of this dirty drug
the way you punish me and then you shrug

what’s with that phone call, baby
it’s like you’re trying
just trying to crush me
do you feel stronger each time you push me, dear
did you tell your mom you carpet bombed
before you left here

and is it just the side effect of this dirty drug
or does each apology sound more like a shrug

are you at home now with your kitty cats
are you just at home now with the way that you act
do you split the rent there with all your secrets
or do you just pretend to all your friends
they’re uninvited guests

yes and when you want it tidy tell me
can you still dispel me
sweep me neatly under the rug
does your conscience ever mention
the way that you treat me
or do you just fend it off with a …

By: Ani Difranco

*I put these words here to take responsibility for shrugging things off myself.    

I lead you down a path
That was dark,
And wet with fear
Dripping with hindrance

You lost your way
I disoriented you
You trusted me,
And I lead you astray

So patient, and so clear
You looked into yourself
To understand in a different way
But, I exasperated you to your core

The loss we share
Will not be forgotten
My soul has been stretched
And, your heart, your poor heart

But we are wired this way
And, we fused ourselves
With our own hands,
And our own tools

And here I am now
Listening to drops of irony
Fall into puddles of my behavior
Now pools of hindsight

Yes, I am here
In this darkness
Alone in this life
Without your light

By Jenny Pirkle

I was born about noon in the shade of magnolias
Wearing the rose-colored glasses of trust
Everything to lose, but still I flew higher
When I took that one fatal glance at the earth

You were born on a night without trees or spectacles
Aspiring to mediocrity and lacking in love
So I knelt on the ground with my knees in the dirt
And now I’m the same height as you

I know in my heart that you’re all that I have
(I’ve lost my faith in sweet-smelling trees)
My rose-colored glasses have turned a dark gray
And my noon in the shade disappeared

It’s hard to believe that it’s worth it to lose
But I happen to know from experience
The wings of naiveté hold so few pounds
And land is more stable than sky

I twisted in knots inside myself,
And swung back and forth about you.
This is me, everything is, this is life.
We both know what we are responsible for.
I will hold myself accountable for me and,
You hold yourself accountable for you.
We crutched each other, and splintered our hearts
But it’s ok, really it’s ok.
This is how it was supposed to happen,
This was the breaking point that had to be.
We so desperately needed it,
For different reasons, and both the same.
We were turned inside out yes,
But that’s where the beauty lies.
The dark colors about us
Are part of some bigger thing.
We are magnified in its intensity
But look at it from above
You will see it makes sense.
You will see the looming experiences,
Without the darkness there is no contrast.
The landscape of our lives would be so bleak
We should be blessed to have seen ourselves without skin.
A painful thought, a painful love
But that’s the price we pay,
For being alive and sharing ourselves.

You don’t know how you feel.
You believe what you say, but it’s not real.
It is sad, the idealistic daydream we believed would come.
A slightly closer look, a little more information.
Help me understand.
I need to understand.
My tools are here, but don’t be afraid.
The pain will only make you stronger.
It will only help you see.
Don’t be scared; just listen to me.
I don’t understand.
Can you hear me? Are you listening?
What more can I do?
Look at what you do to yourself.
You will never change.
You never change.
Your life will be empty.
It is empty now.
What do you do? You do nothing.
You are nothing.
This is how you must do it.
This is what makes sense.
You make no sense.
You have no logic, what do you think about?
Are you listening to me?
You are always with that blank stare.
I don’t respect you.
Why don’t you stand up for yourself?
How is this ok? Why do you put up with this?
How is this ok?
You don’t ask questions, you don’t care.
Don’t you see how much I care?
Don’t you see how much I try?
Don’t you see that this is what love really is?
This is love.

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